i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize