I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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