She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
