there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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