shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
