The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
