Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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