I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
