Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
