neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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