if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
