At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
