Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's never too late to be topless.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dicks are not precious.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
