i wish my penis had a tongue
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
