Having a random hookup so left but love u
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
