There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
