Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
