we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
