I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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