he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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