whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
