im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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