I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I supernannyed him into submission
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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