watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
