Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
