I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
