It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize