Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize