I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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