Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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