Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
