I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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