Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
