you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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