There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
