Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
