$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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