mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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