you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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