She said her name was "party"
Sober January is a disaster.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
