Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
