She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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