She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
