She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
