I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
