something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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