That's intense
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
