Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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