so explain again why im purple
no
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
