My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
