So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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