I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Randomize