You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
