so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
