Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
