he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize