over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
