we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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