Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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