i wish peter jackson would direct porn
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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