Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
