I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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