We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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