the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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