rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
