Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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