she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i think i just lost a toe
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
