I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
