Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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