you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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