the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
