Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
