Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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