i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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